I sit and ponder on the life that I was led to live
I reminisce about all the lives that I have touched
And still wonder why it is I can't touch the life of eternity
But I am content with my own eternity and live on with my passion
No matter where my heart lays, it will and always lies within me
My rhythm is mine; the warmth that I endure is from me
I cannot give anymore, for I will feel a sense of emptiness

I am the beauty of my own soul
I am the one that will forever love me,
And I am content with that notion
For I will not let another stand within my shadow
And replicate my movements
I will not change who I am, for I will loose my own dignity
And yet I am willing to compromise my rhythm for harmonization

I see now that I am someone that will always be the one
Who makes the decisions to overcome my pasts
And be the one that stands ground on my regulations
For I will no longer let that be taken from me
My own discipline
My ways are what win in my race of existence
And I cannot let that be taken again, for my heart can't take the loss
The loss of someone coming in so deep and then leaving the emptiness
As they walk back into their own footsteps, they once stepped aside from

I am eager to see my new beginnings and see my destinations
I am determined to be strong from my weaknesses I've given upon myself
Today I will learn again about me, and see who I am
See that my reflection has always been me, about me
I will not let that go
In fear I would not recognize whose looking back upon me
I need to love me again
So beyond to where I shine brighter then the stars above me

Tomorrow I will know that I am ok
Understand my pains that I feel
Release the anger that I have within
Learn to smile, as I once did
And appreciate the person that is my own conscience
I am my own beauty, my own soul
I am my own eternity…..

I dont know what it is, but lately I just havent been myself. Whether its not wanting to be social or just not wanting to be anything; I cannot pinpoint it. The more and more I try to figure things out, the more I wonder if I am just loosing my mind, or my mind is on overload. Socially I am over it, I cannot seem to face the world of plastics, and then have to overcome myself in being one of them for that time being. The ones that are in my social circle, I am able to be content; but then sometimes don't even want to feed their wants and needs from me. Nothing against anyone in particular, more like everyone. Does that make sense? 
I havent been able to figure certain people out, most of the people in my lives have been figured out and placed on the shelf as a trophy for me from me cracking their code. But there are a few people out there that I am wanting to understand but then again dont even want to touch the arsin. Ive confronted most of my intuitions on certain people and have completed my synopsis and have even shared a bit of my findings with them, but there are secrets that I must contain to myself. I have a lot of secrets about a lot of my friends and its amazing that I havent slipped once. Some are so dangerous, its as if a Russian missle was to hit the country and we'd all disintegrate instantly. Then there are some that are so painful to even know, because you realize the damage that it will instill on others. Ughhh, why do people give me so much weight to carry when I am only a partial to a pound of existence? There's about a handful of secrets that are so miscellaneous compared to the major ones but again they can hurt the ones that are being kept from the unknown. Boy life is unfair when you're drowning in the ramble.....

I'm done

I'm done with the fake smiles that I encounter almost on a daily basis with certain people in my life. Those that have vowed their eternal life for me as their friend and then turn their back on me when they're complete with my existance. I'm done with my explanations in my mind that justify certain behaviors. Why am I the one that is always explaining to myself why people are the way they are, and yet they are the ones that need to explain to me why they are the way they are. 

I'm done with the weight on my shoulders of other people's addictions. Whether its the addiction of betraying those that have conquered every obstacles of their course. Or whether its the denial that proceeds to manipulate others into their own beliefs. Why do people deny who they are to others and then constantly try and prove themselves?

I'm done with the everyday slang that defecates from my mouth. My eloquence in words has limited to one syllables of profranity. Placing me to a generation that has risen from the depths of my era. Can it be that we all challenged those in growth to display them as to who they are today?

I'm done with the constant gratitude that I have to give unto others and then feeling a void in myself as if I wasn't enough to recieve the same gift. Always having to reassure those that are outside of their own silhouette and directing them back to their own safety, but feeling lost without my own direction. 

I'm done with constant bickering of miscellaneous impurities in life that massacre the pleasantries of our own benefits. Why do we constantly complain about the things we don't have and easily forget what we've been graced with? How come those that have everything want more, and those that have nothing can't see their own potentials for success?

I'm done.....